It is late on a Sunday night, but something rather traumatic just happened to me and I need to write about it. My wife is in bed, as she has to get up at 3:30 to feed our seven-month-old and then go to work, so I don't want to wake her up.
I was working on some chores this evening, trying to do some things around the house so that my wife can deal with our seven-month-old and our four-year-old during the day without feeling like she needs to be Betty Crocker. It's a full time job just keeping up with one of our kids.
So, as I was working in the house, my four-year-old came downstairs in his pajamas. He was whining, and I didn't know if he was sick. He was groggy, so he walked into the living room as I tried to ask what was going on, and then he started going upstairs again. He suddenly changed gears and headed quickly for our downstairs bathroom.
When he got to the bathroom, he started taking down his pajama bottoms and underwear…and started peeing–mid-trouser take down. EV-ERY-WHERE. I kid you not. It's like the kid has a bladder the size of a punching bag. Is there a fresh water shortage in the world? If so, I know why.
This whole is followed by my shock, disbelief, and terror–and with my poor parenting skills, much shouting and cursing (sad but true) and then getting him on the toilet, getting his pajama bottoms and underwear off…in a sea–A SEA–of urine. I know the Duggars would have kept dignity and calm as they assessed the situation. Sorry–I'm missing that gene,
Finally, he's done peeing, and my next step is to start to clean up the urine off the floor, which is a futile effort. When I say sea, I mean it. I eventually break down to pouring straight Pine Sol on the urine (pretty much the entire bathroom floor) and the having my son step through it, drying off his feet outside of the bathroom, and then getting him upstairs for a bath.
Mind you, we already had a bath earlier that night.
And the upstairs bathroom is literally two feet from the room he is sleeping. He also went to the bathroom a short time before be went to bed.
Currently, the child is back in bed (in different pajamas), and I've cleaned the bathroom diligently. I had to mop up all the Urine Sol first, then I used chemicals to clean the floor after that. Finally, I used chemicals again and all-out cleaned the whole bathroom. The urine soaked things are in the washer, which I will run right before I go to bed.
The problem is…and I think it's mental…is that all I can smell right now is urine. I've had my hands and arms in corrosive cleaners, I've washed my hands and arms and legs, and I've changed clothes. Still, all I can smell is urine.
My four-month-old son and twenty-nine-year old wife didn't even wake up through all the cursing and shouting. It's a good thing it wasn't a fire. And if it was…now I know I can put my four-year-old on the task of putting it out.